Happy Halloween

Just a little note from Twinkle Toes:

My First Halloween!

We chose to not get a costume for Twinkle Toes this year.  With Halloween on a Sunday and with it typically being a cold day in Colorado, I just didn't think it was worth it.  But next year, next year we are doing to do it up BIG!

We hope everyone has a great Halloween!  Please stay safe and enjoy your candy!

Product Review - Skip Hop Baby Log

Shortly before we left the NICU, our pediatrician highly suggested that we buy a baby log to track everything that Twinkle Toes was doing. 

I did an online search a few days before she was released and found this beautiful tool: 

Behold the Skip Hop Day to Night Baby Log!  This thing is amazing and the clock/timer that comes with the book makes it worth it alone.  The LED lights are great at Midnight when you need to see what time it is and to log something down.

The log comes in a nice hardbound binder and has enough pages for 6 months!!  Refills are available too.  This gem of a log, can be found here and is a bit pricey at $39 but the clock and binder make it worth it in my humble opinion.  Amazon.com also carries it.

I know it may seem a bit OCD but it really truly has helped, especially when I can't seem to remember diddle squat these days.  I take it with me to Twinkle Toes' doctor appointments so I know exactly how much she is eating and the quantity, etc.

2,560

Maybe a better title post would be - How I spent my pumping time!

That's right - Two Thousand, Five Hundred and Sixty pages.  Yes, that is how I've spent some of my time while pumping!  What are all those pages belong to you ask?  Well, as much as I am embarrassed to admit it, its the number of pages in the Twilight Series and I read them all while pumping! 

Strike that!  I had actually read half of the first book in the series, while I was pregnant and then I got bored.  Then life hit and even while I was on bed rest in the hospital, I never read any of the books.

Nope, I waited until life normalized and then when it came to pumping, I was bored.  And time has the nasty little way of c-r-e-e-p-i-n-g along when you're pumping and watching your bottles fill up.  So, I started reading the remainder of the first book, then the 2nd book, then the 3rd book and finally the final 768 pages of the final book.

While the books and storyline are good, I had to force myself to wade thru the first book.  Then it was "well, I've read it and bored while pumping, I guess I'll read the 2nd book".  At that point, I couldn't turn back and was still pumping.  I finally finished the 4th book and now I'm bored.  I have now had to find other things to read.  Sometimes I read catch up with back issues of magazines that I had to set aside.  Other times its various mail order catalogs and lastly, it's the sucky, never ending medical bills and bills in general.

But yes, I will fully admit - I read the entire Twilight series.  But I regret to inform you all, I AM NOT A TWIHARD and I never will be. 

I should have just stuck to watching the movies!  :)

Good day. No, make that a GREAT day!!!

Twinkle Toes had her weight check, additional shots and oxygen check.  My girl is a rockstar but we all KNEW that.

She now weighs 10 lbs on the nose - which means that she has gained 27 oz within 27 days.  Yep that's right, that's an ounce a day!  Right where they want to see her.

And drum roll please......

She passed her oxygen test with flying colors.  So she can go without the oxygen tank and just use it while sleeping at night!  That is huge and means that I don't have to carry that blasted thing around to daycare!  

As you can see, she is excited too!  :)

Ahhhhh, sweet freedom.

We are going to do a happy dance as a family tonight!

Wordless Wednesday for 10/27/2010

Monthly Comparison in Pictures

A monthly review of Twinkle Toes in pictures

1 month old - Still in the NICU

2 months old

3 months old

What a difference!



Twinkle Toes is THREE months old today!

So, what are you up to these days?????

·    You are starting to be in a pretty good routine - you have started taking naps every day sometimes as much as 4 hours!

·    You have started smiling and it is such an amazing thing!

·     You like to stick your legs straight out (especially during diaper changes) and stretch! 

·    You can lift and move your head from side to side while doing tummy time!  We love to cheer you on too!

·    You are starting to coo back to mommy and will follow us with your eyes.

·    You sleep every night from 8:30 to 3:30 am. Not through the whole night yet. Just like clockwork you get me up at 11:30 and 3:30 to eat.

·    You get mad if I leave you in your bed too long before responding.  You like to flail your arms and legs – its actually kinda funny.

·    You are wearing size 1 diapers and we’ll find out how much you weigh on Weds.   I think it could be around 11 pounds.

·    You are in between Newborn and 3 months sized clothes - right on target.

·    You are starting to enjoy your bath more and more!

·    You like riding in the car and most of the time you fall asleep in the car.

·    You are still on the oxygen but that may be gone very soon.

·    You enjoy your pacifier at times but you don’t have to have it.

·    Your eyes are still blue - but I'm wondering if they will turn.

·    You are growing way too fast. :-)

·    You have brought more joy to your daddy and me than we could have ever imagined!

Wordless Wednesday for 10/20/2010

High Ho, High Ho it's back to Work I go

Yep, that's right!  Yesterday was the first day back to work for me.  It wasn't as hard as I expected but maybe that due in part that I bawled most of Friday, had a meltdown on Saturday and finally worked my way past the "bad mommy" feelings on Sunday.

Mister B and I have been really good about preparing everything and packing as much as possible the night before.  Mister B is off on Monday's which is great as it reduces daycare costs and he gets one-on-one time with Twinkle Toes. 

I am happy to report that both, Mister B and Twinkle Toes, did well with each other.  I did have to laugh though.  Mister B called me around 2 pm to tell me he'd need a break once I got home.  Fat chance was my first thought given he'd never given me a "break" while I was home alone with her.  Oh well!  We worked it out once I got home and all was well.

And as a bonus for reading, here is a recent picture of Twinkle Toes!  She has only worn this outfit once and she is already too long for it.  What a bummer, since it's so cute and was a gift from a dear friend!  The feet say "Kiss"  and "Me"  Just too darn cute!

Reflux sucks - Have I mentioned that before?

The saga with the reflux continues.  As of Monday, Twinkle Toes is now on Prevacid, so we'll give that some time to see if it works.

We have come to realize that thickening her milk with Oatmeal Cereal is a must.  When she nurses or is given a bottle of straight milk its not good.  Spit up, powerful vomits and reflux is soon to ensue! 

I've realized that I just need to be slow and steady and very patient with all of this.  Her little body needs to grow and get strong and soon enough, she'll be past this.  And it's so heartwrenching when she is having a reflux episode! 

I've cried many times lately.  Part of that is due in part to my return to work on Monday!  Ugh, I'm not looking forward to that.  Just makes me tear up thinking about that!  I need to move past that.

Well, until next time - Momma J

Product Review - Babee Light

I've been using the Babee light for a few weeks after finding it in the One Step Ahead catalog.  This light is perfect for those late night diaper changes when you don't want to wake up the kiddo!  It has two brightnesses and an auto shut-off which is nice when you're sleep deprived.

I have been in contact with the owners as I've had a minor issue with my light and their customer service has been amazing! 

This is one product that I'd highly recommend every Mom and Dad have.  Heck, I may even buy a second one and the price point is $14.95 (plus shipping and handling) at One Step Ahead.

Check out their website here for more uses and information! 

Introducing....Wordless Wednesday

I follow a TON of blogs!  The blog roll to the right only shows those that pertain to this blog and it really is insane how many others I read.  My google reader constantly reminds me that I have over 100 unread entries. But quite a few of the bloggers do a feature on Wednesday called Wordless Wednesday. I wanted to join so here is my first post. 

The Game

Twinkle Toes has a new game and I don't consider it to be fun AT ALL!

When Twinkle Toes is sleeping, it is not uncommon for her nasal cannula to come out of her nose.  So I'll gently put it back in her nostrals.  Well today she pulled it right back out.  I put it back in, turn around and watched her pull it back out.

So, I got the medical tape out, carefully repositioned the cannula and taped it.  I no more than get stood up and Bam! she yanked it out again and this time, her tongue is sticking out!  Like nah, nah, boo, boo!  Little stinker!

Oh well, we'll deal with it.

As a mother, you must TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!

It has been a rough few days!


As a mother, whether you are a first timer, or a 2nd time mom; a nurse or a novice, you MUST trust your instinct with your child and LISTEN to it.


I knew in my heart of hearts, and after speaking with an online friend, (who is also a NICU nurse) on several occasions, that the symptoms that Twinkle Toes was having, was not only reflux but something else.


At her last appt. (9/30) I asked (actually told) the nurse that I was taking Twinkle Toes off of the formula.  I just wasn't going to add it to her breast milk anymore.  She simply doesn't respond well to the addition of the formula and I knew it wasn't right.  The nurse told me with a crappy tone "well that's fine but if she doesn't gain MORE weight than she has (at the next appt), we WILL put her back on the formula"  and "I'll give you a month to TRY this experiment".  It ticked me off!  And every time I thought, "Nope I'm not adding the formula", that nurses voice we replay in my head and I'd go ahead and add the damn formula.  Side Note:  I have nothing against nurses, just this particular one!


While in the NICU her milk was always supplemented with Enfamil's Human Milk Fortifier, which I believe, is not available for sale to any regular Joe and Oh, how I wish it was.


The reason why Twinkle Toes is on the formula is to increase the calories and to help her gain weight.  I was thrilled on 9/30 to learn that Twinkle Toes was now 8 lbs 5.5 oz.  I thought that was a huge gain.  But this particular nurse didn't seem to think so.  When I asked how many ounces Twinkle Toes should be eating every day, I was told between 30-35 oz.  Well, I knew that wasn't even close.  Heck, I knew that we probably were barely getting to 18 oz!  Less than half!


So I called the Pediatrician office on Monday after rehashing the 9/30 conversation in my head!  Was the weight gain good?  How much should she really be eating a day, since she is a preemie?  I was just doubting myself and reading several different books to get the answer but since I don't have a Preemie book, I just didn't necessarily trust them either.  I was starting to really doubt myself and my maternal instincts. 


I have been really starting to freak out over returning to work.  How am I supposed to prepare bottles for our daycare provider when even I don't know how much Twinkle Toes will eat and if it will be a major fight.


You see, Twinkle Toes was getting to be ridiculous with feedings but when being nursed, she was calm, rarely had spit up and was just a happy baby.  But give her a bottle, that had formula added to it and holy crap!  It was night and day the difference and it's not a pleasant difference.  It should never take 45 mins for a baby, even a premature baby, to drink a 2 oz (yes, only 2 oz) bottle.  It also shouldn't take anyone 45 mins to burp her.  Now, the 45 mins. wasn't to get her to burp but rather to calm her into sleep.


I KNEW that this wasn't just reflux.  Sure the arching of her back may be somewhat related to reflux but not all of it was reflux related.  When you see your child tightly clench her little hands into tight fists and growl and tense up, something else is wrong!  And that would start just moments after the first sips from the bottle.  I'd be in tears and so would she!  She would gulp, gulp, scream bloody murder all while arching her back and becoming stiff as a board.  She was hard to hang on to!  Then she'd curl up into a ball with her fists tightly clenched and just make a sound like she was growling!


We had tried warming her bottles and that wasn't making things any better either!


Yesterday it got to the point that 2 ozs of the 4 oz bottle was wasted down the front of her (I consider my breast milk to be liquid gold, as most any Breastfeeding / Nursing mom does!) and then she vomited all over me! 


She learned that she could drink some and then push most of it out past the nipple and it would then run down her chin and chest.  I realize that some spit up is to be expected but this wasn't normal.  The bibs were soaked and stunk!  I was having to wash her down with a warm washcloth after every feeding because she smelled so bad. 


How much she was actually ingesting?  I have no idea, but I knew it wasn't right nor near enough to maintain her weight or to produce decent weight gain.  Plus her mouth stunk, like sour, rotten milk.  Her spit up, 2 hrs AFTER her feeding was the consistency of cottage cheese and I knew that wasn't right.  And it wasn't spit up.  When I was honest with myself, it was a vomit and a lot of it!


I called the NICU and the nurse I spoke with just didn't have an answer.  All I wanted was some reassurance.  Confirmation that my instincts were right and that I NEEDED to listen to them, for my baby's sake!


So I called the nurse line, provided by our insurance company.  She was very kind, asked very thorough questions and listened.  She confirmed my thoughts.  This was wrong!  And this was more than just reflux.  She told me to call my Pediatricians after hours number.  So I did.


At that point, it was 8 pm and Twinkle Toes was hungry again.  I had just pumped so nursing her wasn't going to happen but I poured her a 4 oz bottle and she chugged it!  And there wasn't any issues!!!  No spit up, no vomits, no fighting us, no screaming or crying and no tears.  No balled up little fists, she was calm and happy and she immediately went to sleep after being burped.


Finally at 9 pm the doctor called me back (same doctor that cared for Twinkle Toes while she was in the NICU, so she knows her history).  She confirmed my thoughts - she never should have been on the formula, not after gaining the way she had been.  Heck, she even told me "you're growing a butterball turkey, if you're not careful".  I knew it!  Just knew that the formula was most likely to blame for Twinkle Toes' discomfort and pain and that ticks me off to no end.  I could have pulled her off of the formula over a week ago but I allowed someone's words affect me and my instincts!


So, to bottom line this long post TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS as a mother.  Only you know your child even if he/she is a preemie.  And don't let that fact trouble you or make you think / cloud your judgment.  Absolutely don't second guess yourself.


First thing Monday morning, I am calling to schedule an appointment at the Pediatrician's office to make sure that the formula is the issue.


Twinkle Toes has now had several breast milk only feedings and Not.One.Single.Issue!

Oxygen and why Twinkle Toes is on it

As some readers know, Twinkle Toes is on oxygen and has been since her birth.  It's really not much, just 1/32 but she still needs it.

So why does she need it?  Well of course, her prematurity plays a role but it's also due to where we live.  Our Altitude basically is the driving force behind the need for the oxygen.  We've been told that if we lived in say, San Diego or Portland, Maine, that she wouldn't need the oxygen!

We live at an approximate elevation of 5,340 feet which is just slightly more than a mile above sea level ~ thus why they refer to Denver as the "Mile High City".

We realize the importance of the oxygen and rarely is she off of it.  The only times is when we are changing a onesie, changing out a tank for a full bottle or during her baths.

Twinkle Toes has another oxygen test on October 27th!  We've had daily chats together to encourage her to pass this test!  Hopefully, the chats will work!  We shall soon see.

Enjoy the picture of an oxygen free Twinkle Toes!

Baby wearing and why I can't do it

Well, why I can't do it just YET.  Twinkle Toes is still tied to her oxygen which means to wrap her in the moby, I would then have to carry the oxygen in its pack on my back!  Yeah, that's not gonna happen!


So, for now, no moby wrap until the O2 is done and gone!  We will celebrate that day too!

Our story has been featured!

Our story of our infertility has been featured here: Our IF Journey. 

The Domestic Princess does a feature every Monday of couples and their IF journey.  The stories provide hope and understanding for other IF couples.

Christy (The Domestic Princess herself) and her husband Chris, are currently going thru their own unfortunate IF journey and I am so very hopeful that very soon, they have some positive news to share with the world.

Christy, Thank You for featuring our story and for the amazingly kind words.

Life is Amazing......

Now, we all know that but in the last few weeks I've noticed that Twinkle Toes eyelashes and eyebrows are really starting to come in.

When she was born, she had none, nada, zip, zilch for eyelashes.  Now, she did have fingernails and toenails and they are all growing like mad, but she didn't have eyelashes until now.

It just amazes me to look at her from the side while feeding her a bottle and you see the eyelashes coming in.  It's truly amazing!

Reflux Sucks!!!

Twinkle Toes has been really battling with reflux lately.  Now, I realize this is a common preemie issue but geez, is it ever heartbreaking.  I feel so darn helpless when she has an episode!

I have had to use the blue bulb syringe more times than I can or care to count!  The scream is what clues me in.  Then you see white, bubbly spit coming from her mouth and sometimes, during really bad episodes, from her nose, which mean that her nasal cannula at times will have the saliva/mucus in it!

These episodes/attacks occur at all hours of the day!  They are just so heartwrenching, that at times, I'm crying with her.  Ugh, it's just awful.

At her last doctor appointment, she was put on Zantac to help reduce the acid in her tummy but of course it doesn't prevent the attacks.  We had been adding Rice Cereal to her breastmilk bottles but that made her so constipated, so we are now trying Oatmeal Cereal.

Hopefully, she'll grow out of these issues, very, very soon!

Breast Milk Mixologist

Yes, that's right!  You can call me the Breast Milk Mixologist.

Nearly every feeding that Twinkle Toes gets is breast milk via a bottle.  It's not due to nipple confusion; quite the contrary!  It's due to the fact that we need to have her gain weight so we have to increase the calories of breast milk by adding formula to her bottles.

Now, yes at times, like late at night and sometimes during the day, while I'm still on Maternity Leave, I will nurse her but I'm only "allowed" (per the pedi.) to nurse her up to 3 times a day! 

Not only do I add formula to the breast milk but due to the reflux we are also adding Oatmeal cereal to the bottles.  Her morning bottles also include a drop of Vitamin D and her daily Iron dosage.

So there you have it - why I call myself the Breast Milk Mixologist!